Thursday 15 February 2007

Smoke Free Day 18 - St. Valentine's Day

Day 18 was Valentine's Day and was originally going to be my quit date. However, typical me, I couldn't wait around and gave up well ahead of schedule and still to my amazement, things are really good and I'm honestly not struggling at all. I don't know but maybe it helped because I smoked Silk Cut Silver which are so low in tar and nicotine (0.1mg and 1mg respectively), that my body has really not suffered any physical withdrawal. There are definitely mental things going on however........

I've had the dream again. This time, my brother's front room sitting down in the corner, glass ashtray on the floor with 4 or 5 half smoked cigarettes in it and there I am having a couple of puffs on a freshly-lit cigarette! As in the other dreams, the feeling of disappointment was so strong when I suddenly realised that I was smoking again and I truly believed it was really happening. Such a relief to wake up!

Wednesday 14 February 2007

Smoke Free Day 17

Today was a new test for me, the drive to London. It was fine. I still am amazed at how easily I've taken to giving up. I hope those aren't famous last words lol. So far, so surprisingly good!

Tuesday 13 February 2007

Smoke Free Days 15 & 16

Had another smoking dream. This time, I had a packet of 20 and had smoked 2 of them and again I felt so disappointed with myself that I'd have to start all over again and would also have to put £1 up on my JustGiving donation page, which I really didn't want to have to do as this would just show me as a failure. Again, this dream felt very real and I was so glad to wake up to discover it was only a dream.

What I'm taking from these dreams is the recurring feeling of disappointment of failure in my want to stay smoke free. I'm glad it's only happening in my dreams. To me, this is a sign of me lapsing in a way, but in a safe way where it's not actually harming me, but spurring me on to keep up the good work.

Have been out today to run a couple of errands and just to be on the safe side, I made sure I was chewing some gum. However, I didn't have any cravings. I was hoping that when I walked past some teenagers smoking, that I would not like the smell anymore, but alas, it didn't bother me. I do hope I begin to dislike the smell. I reckon that's when I know I've reached the point of no return.

To top it all. I actually had to go and meet someone about some work, and I met him in a pub, again, no cravings, was very pleased with myself. Don't know if having gum helped me or not to be honest. Also, it wasn't excessively smoky in there as I stayed away from that end, but there were people smoking in the vicinity and I was so happy that no cravings reared their ugly head!

Sunday 11 February 2007

Smoke Free Days 13 & 14

Been a stressful couple of days (don't ask!), yet still, I've not really had many thoughts about smoking at all. A couple of cravings here or there, but still don't feel the need to fall off the wagon. That dream I had the other day about smoking, well I had the same dream (only the friend and location were different), where I lit up and then realised and felt so disappointed with myself. With this dream, though, I was convinced it was real and my initial dream was coming true, which added to the disappointment.

How relieved was I when I woke up!! :-)