Smoke Free Days 38-58

Well it just goes to show that the longer I get into it, the less there is in my head about it really. I went out the other night and well, the next morning, it felt like I'd smoked 20 cigs the day before. All I keep thinking to myself is roll on July.

Oh, I have noticed how I'm loving walking around in the fresh air, more than I had ever done in my past life as a smoker!

So it's 2 months now and all is really fine, it has been easy for me. I others won't be as fortunate, but I am grateful that I'm one of the lucky ones!

Smoke Free Days 30-37

Well as you can see from the heading, there's less to talk about the longer into it I get.

A woman from the Together Programme phoned me and I had a chat with her and the one thing I did talk about was the fact that I feel I'm failing every time I enter a smoky atmosphere and how I felt it set me back. She reassured me that even though, yes, I'm passive smoking, it's still not as bad as smoking a cigarette and that I shouldn't beat myself up about it and she reminded me about July - not that I need reminding. So my saying of the moment, without any doubt is: Roll on July!

There have been 2 or 3 situations where I've noticed being a non-smoker. I was round at my friend's on Saturday night. She smoked - not a great deal albeit, so the house wasn't particularly smoky. What was good though was that she was smoking cigarettes of which I've neither liked the taste nor the smell. I did feel however, that even if they had have been my own brand or something similar, I still would not have felt the urge to have a cigarette.

I went to a seminar yesterday (Sunday) and during the lunch break, after having some sandwiches, I was aware that I didn't feel the need for a cigarette. Being in a fairly boring situation in the past, would have given me the urge, but not yesterday. Then I went to find someone - I knew he was in the bar, so I went in there and golly gosh, it was thick with smoke!! I stood in there for no more than about 30 seconds at which time, I made my leave, couldn't take it, making me cough!

Smoke Free Days 27, 28 & 29

Day 27.....err I think there was something I wanted to make a note of, but have forgotten already. Lol, couldn't have been that major!

Day 28 was mostly spent getting catalogues collated etc and there was a point where I got a pang of "hmm now would be a nice time for a cigarette".....but of course I didn't have one, there's no way I'm buying any or pinching one off anyone!

Today was primarily about having to watch the Carling cup final in a very smoky pub. Actually found myself covering my nose and mouth with my t-shirt at some stages; even had to go outside at half time to get some air! I'm sure I'll be coughing in the morning. I've really gone the other way and do not like being in smoky atmospheres, it's as though I've smoked and failed, even though I know I haven't at all. Roll on July!!

Smoke Free Day 26

Went to the smoking clinic today, saw Nurse Emma. She's really pleased (as am I) with my progress and said I'm a great advert for the clinic, a success story. She couldn't quite believe that I hardly needed the use of the lozenges. In a nutshell, she didn't really see any point in me going back to see her, but the option was there should I need to. I even offered my services to anyone who may need encouragement.

That's it really, nothing else to report.

Smoke Free Day 25

Only thing I can write about today is part of a dream I had. It was a long, drawn out dream (not unusual for me), however, in one part of it, I remember looking under a desk for something and finding a packet of 10 Silk Cut Silver, it had about 3 or 4 left in it. Upon picking up the pack, I turned around and looked up at whoever was standing there and said something to the effect of "see? I wonder what would have happened had I have found these" - which seemed a little bizarre as I had just found them.

Anyway, I think that dream is reflecting the fact that I still believe I would enjoy a cigarette but am glad that I have no yen to buy any and spoil what I've achieved to date.

Smoke Free Day 24

Erm what can I tell you from today? Oh yes, just thought of something.....drove back up from London today and didn't once think about smoking during the journey. In fact, not thinking about it much at all...

I think it's getting to the stage when I may not have anything to report some days, time will tell....

Smoke Free Day 23

Gosh it sounds so nice to hear me saying to others that I've given up! Can really smell a smoker now I'm not one, smells so stale and horrid, bless, to think that some kids' idea of mummy or daddy's smell is that of smoke-infested clothes.

Oh no! I'm turning into one of those horrid reformed smokers - noooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Smoke Free Day 22

Again, a pretty uneventful day with regard to not smoking anymore, other than, I can smell smoke "a mile off" now lol, but it doesn't have any effect on me, it's not even making me cringe! Guess it's going to remain an alluring smell for a while longer - it's not bothering me that I'm still liking the smell and the thought of smoking a cigarette, but hey, I know I won't, so the thought is only that, and that I can deal with!

Smoke Free Days 19, 20 & 21

To be honest, there's nothing much to report other than a couple of little things. One being that I'm aware I'm telling more people I've given up and feeling good about it and that I do notice when I'm eating, I'm still thinking that the after-meal cigarette would still be nice. I wouldn't call that a craving, just habit-forming thought process, I'm guessing! It's not even temptation. What it is telling me, however, that once a smoker, always a smoker - kinda like being an alcohol or drug addict really, I would presume, anyway.

Oh yes, I've also noticed that since giving up, walking Monty is even more of a pleasure. My walking speed has increased and I'm not getting breathless going up the hill in the park! Also really good news is that problems with blood rushing to my head when exercising, well, at least when walking, has now ceased, I'm over the moon about that!

Smoke Free Day 18 - St. Valentine's Day

Day 18 was Valentine's Day and was originally going to be my quit date. However, typical me, I couldn't wait around and gave up well ahead of schedule and still to my amazement, things are really good and I'm honestly not struggling at all. I don't know but maybe it helped because I smoked Silk Cut Silver which are so low in tar and nicotine (0.1mg and 1mg respectively), that my body has really not suffered any physical withdrawal. There are definitely mental things going on however........

I've had the dream again. This time, my brother's front room sitting down in the corner, glass ashtray on the floor with 4 or 5 half smoked cigarettes in it and there I am having a couple of puffs on a freshly-lit cigarette! As in the other dreams, the feeling of disappointment was so strong when I suddenly realised that I was smoking again and I truly believed it was really happening. Such a relief to wake up!

Smoke Free Day 17

Today was a new test for me, the drive to London. It was fine. I still am amazed at how easily I've taken to giving up. I hope those aren't famous last words lol. So far, so surprisingly good!

Smoke Free Days 15 & 16

Had another smoking dream. This time, I had a packet of 20 and had smoked 2 of them and again I felt so disappointed with myself that I'd have to start all over again and would also have to put £1 up on my JustGiving donation page, which I really didn't want to have to do as this would just show me as a failure. Again, this dream felt very real and I was so glad to wake up to discover it was only a dream.

What I'm taking from these dreams is the recurring feeling of disappointment of failure in my want to stay smoke free. I'm glad it's only happening in my dreams. To me, this is a sign of me lapsing in a way, but in a safe way where it's not actually harming me, but spurring me on to keep up the good work.

Have been out today to run a couple of errands and just to be on the safe side, I made sure I was chewing some gum. However, I didn't have any cravings. I was hoping that when I walked past some teenagers smoking, that I would not like the smell anymore, but alas, it didn't bother me. I do hope I begin to dislike the smell. I reckon that's when I know I've reached the point of no return.

To top it all. I actually had to go and meet someone about some work, and I met him in a pub, again, no cravings, was very pleased with myself. Don't know if having gum helped me or not to be honest. Also, it wasn't excessively smoky in there as I stayed away from that end, but there were people smoking in the vicinity and I was so happy that no cravings reared their ugly head!

Smoke Free Days 13 & 14

Been a stressful couple of days (don't ask!), yet still, I've not really had many thoughts about smoking at all. A couple of cravings here or there, but still don't feel the need to fall off the wagon. That dream I had the other day about smoking, well I had the same dream (only the friend and location were different), where I lit up and then realised and felt so disappointed with myself. With this dream, though, I was convinced it was real and my initial dream was coming true, which added to the disappointment.

How relieved was I when I woke up!! :-)

Smoke Free Day 12

Yesterday was another good day with barely a thought about smoking or wanting to smoke. Had to postpone my appointment at the smoking clinic due to me really not wanting to go out on the first day of snow lol. I didn't mind, the clinic's not a crutch for me at all, in fact, it's not bothering me in the slightest that I'm not going for another 2 weeks. In fact, by that time, I'll almost be at a month of being smoke free.

More later on how today went.....

Smoke Free Day 11

Well, the most prominent thing that's happened or rather not happened, has been thoughts of smoking. Today has been the first day without any cravings. No chewing gum or polos needed! I'm erring on the side of caution though as I had rather a late start to the day, so that might have had something to do with it.

I chatted to a long-term online friend of mine tonight and she has also started on the road to giving up, which is great news, I hope I can help her with the abundance of knowledge I have already gained from so few days of being smoke free. In fact, I think I've offered to be a kind of mentor, which is cool, anything I can do to help 'n all that. I told her that Tracey has been so wonderfully supportive towards me and my giving up that I'd like to pass it on. I always have quoted the film "Pay it Forward" as one of my favourites.....

So, what I've taken from today is that I can now think about smoking but not actually want one. However I'm not getting ahead of myself as I feel that I would still enjoy a cigarette.

Smoke Free Day 10

Been a funny ol' day really, cravings seem to be on the increase and after having a read-around on the good old interweb, I discover that it's possibly due to stress. The last couple of days have been a bit mentally stressful, so it would seem to fit. Some talking has been done tonight so hopefully the stress will decrease and as a result, the cravings. Watch this space.........

Looked at the cigs behind the counter at Tesco for the first time today, saw how much a pack of 10 were and grinned to myself thinking.."nearly £3.......can I remember when 20 were £3? Yes I can."...and that was that, didn't think of buying them.

Oh yes, just remembered a dream I had either last night or the night before........I was in the front room at my brother's with a friend of mine who lit a cigarette and with that I lit up as well and after having one puff, I looked at my hand, realised I'd lit up and said "you see, just cos you've lit a cigarette, I automatically lit one up too". With that, I put it out and broke it in half. I thought to myself....I've ruined it now, all that work for nothing tsk, it's all spoiled now.

Smoke Free Day 9

The only thing to report really was the fact that the cravings seem to be increasing, but I've not relented!

Smoke Free Day 8

Nothing much to report for yesterday to be honest. I still occasionally think about having a cigarette whilst I'm having something to eat, but it soon passes when I realise I've given up. Well, that's it really.

Smoke Free Day 7

Been a peculiar day today, got woken up by christians at half 10 - too early for me lol. Then I stupidly upset my partner and then I had to sort out my car insurance as I was in danger of not being insured.

The thing is, with all that going on, I still didn't have a cigarette. Mind you, I've rarely been one to reach for a cigarette in stressful situations, but I'm still pleased I didn't. I did sleep most of the day away though.

The sugar-free polos help.

Smoke Free Day 6

Been ok today really. Went to the doc and one of the things I talked about was giving up and how long should I expect to wait for my sinuses, tubes, ear, etc to clear. I've been told approx 3 months before I notice any changes in my head, so roll on 3 months, that's all I have to say on that one!

Haven't felt the need for any lozenges, which I'm pleased about, I'll see if the nurse would like them for her sample stock as I know she doesn't have any 1mg lozenges teehee. I'm going to give the gum and microtabs back to her as well....thanks, but no thanks..

Went shopping today and gosh, is it me, or is it expensive to want to eat healthily? Got plenty of fruit and other things to stick in my moosh should the need to tackle a craving arise! I am worried about putting on weight, especially after I've naturally lost so much over the past few months. This is what encouraged me to go out and buy healthily.

I cannot believe the changes in me so quickly, it is incredible that I can say so far, so (amazingly) good!!

Smoke Free Day 5

Day 5 and still no cigarette! I can't quite believe it myself but I am managing it.

I knew last night was going to be a real test for me, going to the pub to watch the football but you know what, I was fine. I didn't mind being around smokers, maybe part of me knew I was passive smoking, which maybe helped with a craving (not that I remember having one). I do remember looking at some of the people smoking and asking myself if I wanted one and to my surprise the answer that came back was no, not really. Yes, of course I was very happy about that.

I've also not had any lozenges for 2 days as I've decided that I need to go through nicotine withdrawal completely and I've been fine without them.

Here's the latest good news :o)

Well I did have another one on that Thursday night, but didn't go to bed straight away in order that it wasn't the "one before bed" cig. Friday, I had 3 and on Saturday, I had only 2 and have not bought or smoked any cigarettes since then!

Feeling scared that I may slip, but I will do everything in my power to stick with the lozenges as they do seem to help. Not eating or drinking 20 minutes before and after a lozenge is tricky, but clever. It takes a good 90 minutes to dissolve in my mouth, so it's nearly 2.5 hours without the need for a cigarette.

19-25 Jan

Well here's the latest....Friday, I had 4, yesterday I had 7 (not so good really). Today, I have already had 5.5 tsk tsk tsk and I'll probably end up having another 1 or 2 tonight.

I do feel I'm slipping somewhat on the will-power front. I'm not giving up on the giving up though. I guess I'm bound to have bad days coming up to my quit date and I mustn't lose faith. I have been thinking that I may end up using patches at the start of quitting as I do notice cravings at certain times during the day.

Since I wrote the above 2 paras, however, things have moved on. I have now been to the smoking clinic @ my surgery and the nurse has given me some microtabs, gum and lozenges to try. Tried a microtab, which is 2mg strength, OH MY, so strong and yugh, so now I've got a 1mg lozenge in me gob. It's minty, which I'm pleased about and it's taking ages to dissolve which is also great! I don't like smoking with gum or a sweet in my mouth, so maybe these will be the best option for me. I did have a feeling that they may be. As for the gum, well they're 4mg each, so I'm not even going to bother trying them considering the 2mg microtab was disgusting!

So I actually cannot remember if I had another one on Sunday night, but I probably did. Monday and Tuesday were probably around the 5 mark give or take 1 or 2; yesterday was 5 and today has been 3 and I will try to not have another one tonight! I've really got to crack the "one before bed" cig.

Let's hope these lozenges will be the answer.

Update for the last 3 days

Well, 5.5 cigs on Monday, 5 yesterday and today, well, I've only actually had one. I tested myself to see how long I could go without buying any more cigs. I got to midnight and gave in. I'm not complaining, I'll probably still have one in a min b4 I head to bed, but you know what? from 20, to 5 and now to 2, I'm very proud of myself.

I guess I know I didn't really need to go out to buy the cigs, but hey, this is all the build up to me giving up! I can allow my control freak nature to kick in from Valentines Day and I'm not going to beat myself up over having what appears to be now, a maximum of 5 a day!

Aside from all that, went to the doc today for something else but mentioned I'm about to give up and I was told that they have a smoking clinic there and I have now made an appointment to see the nurse there. What help she can be, I don't know, but I may as well use the resources available to me, why not eh?

Watch this space......

Guess what?

Only had 4 yesterday! Throat's getting sore now, but that's to be expected, as well as the cough. I think it's been a good idea of mine to cut down dramatically before my actual quit date. It should make it easier. Don't think I'm going to bother with patches or anything like that. If I keep myself busy enough (which is a challenge in itself), I'll not have any time to even think about smoking.

Am still concerned about the after meal cravings though...